Killer Bacon on the Loose

I intended to write a very informative blog post about the warnings I have seen lately about the dangers of bacon. I am pro bacon and felt everyone, myself included, would enjoy themselves more if I took things in another direction.

Last year my husband had the grand idea that we needed a couple of pigs on our farm.  So, on a sunny morning in late spring two dandy specimens of swine were dropped off for our slopping delight. We affectionately named them Bacon and Sausage.

I have been around farms all my life but I was not raised on one. So, when Bacon escaped from her pen rounding up a hog was not in my job description. I was going to need some advise.

As instructed by my husband, who is still at work, I am to rattle a bucket full of feed or slop and Bacon will follow me,without event, back into her pen.

When she heard the bucket rattle, all 250 pounds of her came to an abrupt stop. She immediately turned her head, looked straight at me and took off in a dead run right for me. I did not know a pig that large could move that fast. I panicked and ran back into the house and took the bucket with me.

A little startled, I call my husband for the second time, explain my dilemma, and ask for more advise. He advised for me to yell “Suuuuueeeeeeee, here pig,” and see what happens.

When I do as instructed she laps our home three times before she skids to a halt near the back door and looks around trying to figure out where the call is coming from. I was standing inside the house calling out the back door. I admit not very smart on my part.

I then stepped onto the back deck with the reassurance that a pig will not climb stairs(my husband told me this). I still had the bucket in my hand. I did not want it. But, oh boy did she.

The minute she spotted me, she began to run in my direction again. I was much more confident. “I can do this,” I told myself. “She is only after the food.” That was exactly right. She climbed right up those stairs without missing a lick and stuck her flat muddy nose into that bucket. True to my previous reaction I dropped the bucket spilling it down the stairs. The pig paid me no never mind and immediately began eating.

I never did get Bacon back in her pen that day. One of our nice neighbors did that for me. I let fear keep me from accomplishing the task. Did you know that God says, “Do not fear” 365 times in the Bible.

Apparently there is a lot of fear going around and He wants to lovingly remind us that, in most instances it is  not always necessary. He’s right. After all, Bacon was no killer.

I don’t believe I need to add pig round up to my job resume just yet. What do you think?